Helen

My mother has been diagnosed with Advanced Alzheimer's which seems to have a hereditary pre-disposition, 2 of her 3 sisters have also been diagnosed. 

Everyday l watch her regressing from us, her family and so l write :

 WHY DO I CRY, I CRY BECAUSE :

-  I see my mothers mind regressing, she forgets things and people, loses things, hides things, repeats herself, gets frustrated and angry, dresses inappropriately, doesn’t seem to listen.

- her deterioration is happening so quickly.

- of her increasing dependence and obsessive attachment to my father.

- of my own frustration, anger and lack of patients with her which then leads to feelings of guilt and self recrimination.

- I feel powerless to do anything much to change its inevitable course.

- I am a nurse and l should be able to deal with all this appropriately and sympathetically but this is MY MOTHER.

- its not fair to her or us her family.

- what of her future, when do we make the decision to place her in care.

- surely modern medicine should by now have sound a cure.

- one day she will not know who l am.

- l am wretchedly sad.

- l feel helpless.

- I HAVE TO.