Carol and Barb’s story of love, care and dementia
Carol and her partner Barb have shared 36 years together, building a life shaped by strong community values, service and care for others.
When Barb was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease and Lewy body dementia, that sense of connection and community became more important than ever.
Carol said the early stages of caring took a significant physical and emotional toll on her.
“I was so tired all the time,” she said. “After making sure Barb was cared for, I felt like I had limited energy for anything else.”
Despite the exhaustion, she kept showing up and sought out information and support, including finding a local carer support group and learning about the services Dementia Australia provides.
Carol said talking with others who really understood the challenges of caring for someone living with dementia made a meaningful difference.
“Gaining information and knowledge from people in the local community who are a few steps ahead of you has been immensely valuable,” she said. “Hearing what to do and what to avoid, as well as services that are available has helped.”
That connection has also helped Carol to reflect on the life she and Barb have built together, and the things she still admires most.
“The one thing that has always been there in our relationship, and continues to be, is the learning. I still learn from being with Barb,” Carol said.
“I might be the only gay carer in the room”
Before attending her first carers group, Carol wondered if she might be the only gay carer in the room.
“I realised that I would need to be open and honest about my sexuality and relationship to participate,” she said.
Her concerns were quickly put to rest.
“I was as readily accepted as any other carer experiencing difficulties,” she said.
For Carol, connection has been essential and it’s what she encourages others to seek.
“If I had one message for gay carers of someone with dementia, it would be to reach out to others in a similar position, regardless of whether they’re within the gay community or not,” she said.
“They will take you in as one of them, as someone who’s going through a similar experience.
“The earlier you reach out and get information, the better.”
Now that Barb is living in aged care, Carol has stepped into a new role as her advocate requiring new skills and knowledge, which she said reinforced the need for support at every stage.
LGBT+ resource hub
Dementia Australia has created a lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and intersex (LGBT+) online hub to support connection and community.
It brings together links, resources, information and support for people in the LGBT+ community impacted by dementia.
Visit the online hub to learn more.
Looking for support?
If you would like support, advice or information about anything dementia-related, contact the National Dementia Helpline.
The National Dementia Helpline is available 24 hours a day, seven days a week, 365 days a year on 1800 100 500 or via our live chat.
If you would like to connect with someone who is going through a similar experience, Dementia Australia’s Connecting Peers program provides one-to-one peer support.
You can find out more about this program on our website.
