“Don’t be afraid to ask for help” – self-care and avoiding burnout

Vicki cared for her husband Michael for almost 14 years following his dementia diagnosis so when she started experiencing long-term muscular pain, she realised something had to change.

She shared her experience on the 'Carer fatigue' episode of Dementia Australia’s podcast Hold the Moment.

“I decided to go on a self-imposed radical self-care plan,” Vicki said.

“I started doing very gentle yoga exercises – subtle stretching and movement.”

“I go to these senior fitness classes because they're cheap. I go swimming once a week on a Sunday, do one-and-a-half kilometres in the pool and also do the sauna.

While her self-care strategies have helped, she said she still hadn’t restored a good sleep pattern, even though Michael has now transitioned into permanent residential care.

“I think all the nights of getting up and down and de-escalating Mike – redirecting him and his hallucinations – has taken its toll.”

For Vicki, taking the time to practise self-care has helped support a positive relationship with Michael.

“We’re in a nice place now where I visit Mike twice a week,” she said.

“I really connect with Mike on a level I never thought possible in any relationship and I don't think I would have experienced the level of connection I have with Michael now, had we not journeyed together with dementia.”

Tips for carers

If you’re caring for someone living with dementia, you’re really caring for two people and if you burn out, looking after someone else will only become that much harder.

Vicki recommends making time for yourself and finding the things you enjoy doing.

“Don’t be afraid to ask for help and, when you do ask for help, make sure there's specific requests, so people know how they can help you,” she said.

“Otherwise, they just won't ask and won't offer.”

Dementia Helpline Advisor Kristin said it’s important for carers to take care of themselves and provided tips for in the bonus episode of the podcast.

“As a carer, you might feel guilty about setting time apart for yourself,” Kristin said.

“But sometimes a break is exactly what you need to keep your health on track, to keep your heart on track and to be able to continue to connect with your loved one.”

Listen to the podcast

You can listen to Vicki’s story and hear more tips from Kristin in the 'Carer fatigue' episode of Hold the Moment on Dementia Australia's website or wherever you get your podcasts.

Where to get further support

You can find more information about caring for someone living with dementia on the Family, Friends and Carers page on our website.

For free and confidential support, advice and expert information you can call the National Dementia Helpline.  

The National Dementia Helpline operates 24 hours a day, seven days a week, 365 days a year on 1800 100 500.