“When we dance, Shirley doesn't have dementia”

So much can change when someone you love is diagnosed with dementia and often the most difficult adjustment can be coming to terms with how it affects your relationship.

Whether it’s your parent, your sibling or your romantic partner, caring for someone living with dementia will inevitably change the nature of your relationship.

For Col, caring for his wife Shirley following her dementia diagnosis felt like ‘taking his turn’.

In the Hold on to connection episode of Dementia Australia’s Hold the Moment podcast, Col spoke about how their roles were reversed.

When they were raising their family together Shirley took on much of the caring work and now Col and their children are looking after her.  

“I sum it up by saying that it was a shared love back then and now it’s a dependent love,” Col said.

“There's not a lot she can share anymore because she can't and that's difficult.”

However, despite the way their relationship has changed since Shirley’s diagnosis, Col said that one thing that hadn’t changed was their love of dancing together.

“When we dance, Shirley doesn't have dementia and I can feel that. It's the look on her face,” he said.

For Sanna, who cared for her mother Samiha who lived with Alzheimer’s disease, the relationship shift was much more dramatic.

During the later stages of dementia, Samiha didn’t recognise Sanna and it looked, for a little while, like their connection might have disappeared altogether.

Sanna attended a Dementia Australia workshop where she was advised to greet her mother how she would remember her as a child – advice that helped her to reconnect with her mother.

“I love dancing, and she knows that,” Sanna said. “So I put on the music and chose an older song that she would remember.

“I walked in, dancing to her and she looked up straightaway and she said: ‘Sanna?’.

“And she actually got emotional and said ‘I love you’.”

Where to listen

To hear more about how Col and Sanna managed the changes in their relationships, listen to Hold the Moment wherever you get your podcasts or on our website.

More support

You can find more information about caring for someone living with dementia, on the Family, Friends and Carers page on our website.

For free and confidential support, advice and expert information you can call the National Dementia Helpline.  

The National Dementia Helpline operates 24 hours a day, seven days a week, 365 days a year on 1800 100 500.