"I did not want to deal with any of that"

Tully Smyth was just 15 the year her world quietly split in two.

At school, everything looked normal.

She laughed with her friends, went to class, pretended things were normal.

At home, her mum Kay was living with advanced young onset dementia, her dad left work to become a full-time carer and Tully became the third ‘adult’ in the house.

In the Big Responsibilities: Navigating Life as a young carer episode of the Hold the Moment podcast, Tully talks about the impact it had on her and her family.

"I just did not want to hear it," she says.

"I wanted to sit there with my fingers in my ears and go la la la. I just didn't want to have to deal with any of that."

She didn't tell anyone - not her teachers, not her closest friends.

The stigma around dementia felt too great, the explanation too complicated, the vulnerability too much.

So she kept it to herself and kept going; grieving in private, caring quietly, growing up faster than anyone around her knew.

“What would you know?”

Across the country, John began helping care for his mum, who lives with mental health challenges, from age five.

Standing on a step stool to reach the sink so he could wash up. Sitting with her through panic attacks. Working out when to call an ambulance and when not to.

By the time he was 10 or 11, John knew his mum's patterns better than most adults in her life.

But when he tried to advocate for her with health professionals, he was dismissed.

"What would you know? You're only a kid," he was told.

"Why won't you just listen to me?" he says years later, remembering the exasperation.

"Just listen. If that's the only thing you do, then do that."

Now 25, John cares for both his mum and his Nonna, who has moved into residential care and lives with Parkinson's disease and dementia.

He works as a professional support worker and is studying to become a counsellor.

Young carers creating a lasting legacy

Caring, he says, has given his life its shape. "I wouldn't change anything for the world," he says. "I'm happy with what I'm doing."

Tully has found her own kind of peace with it too, though it took time.

She has since connected with hundreds of young carers through her online platform and knows the longing for community that so many of them carry.

"They just want to talk to people who get it," she says.

Two different people. Two loving families.

The same passion that fuels their advocacy today.

Hear their stories

Tully and John share their experiences in the Big Responsibilities: Navigating Life as a young carer episode of Hold the Moment, Dementia Australia's podcast.

Listen wherever you get your podcasts or via the Dementia Australia website.

Looking for support?

If you are a young carer or know someone who is, contact the National Dementia Helpline on 1800 100 500 (available 24 hours a day, seven days a week).

Visit the Get Support section on our website to find resources for carers, including younger carers.