Practical ways in which family and friends support me

We reached out to people who care for someone who lives with dementia to share some of the practical ways family and friends support them.

This is what they told us:

Tina:

(Pictured above: Tina with her grandaughter Enya and husband Rod)

Having a good friend who said ‘call me, anytime day or night’ helped to save my sanity.

Also, having a sister who took my husband Rod out so I could have lunch with a friend. 

For that I was eternally grateful to have just a little bit of ‘normal’.

Daniel:

My twin boys look after Mum while Dad goes snorkelling near Manly (NSW). 

The best self-care is being in the water looking at the marine life.

David:

The support of my family is so important for me as a carer for my wife Susan who has very advanced dementia. 

It is the little moments of magic that melt your heart as in the case where grandchildren interact with Susan even though she is not aware of them. 

One-year-old Luca holding her hand is such a moment.

Lisa:

My children (aged 11, 15 and 17) take my mother for walks down the waterfront to look for soldier crabs, something she used to do with them when they were little.  

This makes mum feel useful and helps her get fresh air, sunshine, mental stimulation and time with loved ones other than me.

My father often cooks and invites the children and I over for meals or sends us back with leftovers so I don't have to worry about cooking as much now that I am focussed on supporting mum.

Finally, just a phone call or a brief text message with a photo sent every now and then from a friend or family member directly to mum who lives with dementia is a great way to improve her mood which helps us both.

Col:

Caring is something you do not read about in a book; it is very individual and different in every case.

The practical way to help is to keep in contact. 

In the early stages I encouraged those who did contact us to talk to my wife Shirley, not me. 

I appreciate that this is difficult, as they do not know what to say.

Stay involved with the family and friends, stay positive and active.

Debra:

It really is important to let others help you and it reminds you that you’re not alone; your normal community is very important. 

Ensuring you stay fit and healthy when caring for someone with dementia is vital. 

I was always grateful to friends and family looking after my husband Don at various times so I could enjoy a visit to the hairdresser or a massage to relax.

(Dr Debra Graves is the co-author of the book “To dementia with love: dealing with denial, diagnosis, daily life with dignity, and untimely death” which is available from the Dementia Australia Library)

Sarah:

One friend who works in health rings every fortnight at a certain time to discuss what is happening and what she can do to help. 

Another friend who lives two hours away offers to take my husband out while I do some housework. 

She brings him musical instruments to play and performs some favourite songs along with her partner who both play the guitar.

We formed a WhatsApp group with my husband's daughters to brief them on changes in behaviour,  sending pics and organising times to meet.

Another WhatsApp group with my dementia support group is also a great way to keep in touch and set up activities together.

Imelda:

One of the very important things my husband's friends did for him was his golf mates would pick him up, take him for a round of golf and then to the 19th hole, giving him a full day of friendship.

They would deliver him home, usually with a very respectable scorecard that they had managed for him.

Andree:

Never rob someone of their self-respect, independence, self-reliance and dignity.

My advice is to be tolerant, patient and calm. 

My other practical advice is to keep people occupied with craft, hobbies and games.

Michelle:

Family and friends help by listening and acknowledging the challenges and how difficult it is. 

Giving me a hug or being a safe place to cry has been very helpful.

Heather:

The ways in which people supported me included:

• Took my mother for a walk when I was out so I could relax knowing she was safe.
• Watched my mum for a few hours in my home while I went out.
• Brought me things like coffee when she was in the hospital and other things like toiletries for me when I had to say with her unexpectedly for a while.

Further information and support

If you would like advice or information about any type of dementia-related issue, including supporting someone who cares for a person living with dementia, contact the National Dementia Helpline. 

The National Dementia Helpline is available 24 hours a day, seven days a week, 365 days a year on 1800 100 500 or via our live chat.

You can also visit the Tips and resources for reconnection page on the website for more tips and resources.

Thank you to the Dementia Australia Dementia Advocates who contributed to this story. 

If you want to know more about this program visit the Dementia Advocates Program page on the website.