Tips for visiting a loved one in residential aged care

We asked people who visit family or friends who live with dementia in residential aged care to share their best tips for making the most of their time together.

Here’s what they told us.

Tanya (pictured above with her mum Yvie):

When visiting someone with dementia, be aware that there may be changes in communication and abilities since you last saw them.

Try to relax, meet them where they are, and focus on connection rather than conversation – remember the good times you had together.

A short walk (or dance!), reminiscing with photos, sharing your news or enjoying a favourite sweet treat can help create comfort and moments of joy.  

Mitch:

My father (who doesn’t speak) can hear and understand perfectly well. Some of the things we do when visiting include:

• Taking in simple games that he and my young children can all enjoy and participate in such as checkers, Hungry Hungry Hippo and UNO.
• I have made him some photo albums that we can flick through and tell stories. This is particularly useful to help his friends at the home get to know him, given he can't talk for himself.
• Taking him to see a few of his friends at the home, tell stories about him and his family and hear about their stories. This helps them to get to know my father better and helps him to get to know them.
• We take him outside for some fresh air – to the courtyard for a cuppa, to visit the resident local farm animals or to a park for a walk.
• I also make a point of checking that he has all his needs met, any pain or health issues that he may not have communicated to the nurses at the home, that his devices are working okay.

Lyn:

Be prepared. The first time I visited my husband Michael in a memory support unit, I found it extremely confronting and I left in tears.

Seeing some of the other residents whose dementia journey had been longer than his scared me, as I knew that my husband of 58 years would most probably be treading the same path or, if not the same, a similar one.

I always get dressed up when I visit my man – make-up and hair done – even though he doesn’t recognise me as his wife now, I still like to look good for him.

Just occasionally, I’ll get a smile or he’ll kiss my hand.

Then I know there’s still a little spark there and I go home with a smile on my face.

Col:

Encourage visits but point out that it is best to visit in twos, as one-on-one conversation is difficult.

However, the person living with dementia can be involved by just listening to social interaction.  

Carmen:

Not every visit will be the same so keep an open mind as the person you are visiting may often be feeling a little different from one visit to the next.

Don’t be disheartened.

Get yourself and the person you are visiting out into the fresh air even if just into the gardens.

Try to keep your emotions in check – sometimes it can be hard but remember why you are there.

Putting YouTube on your phone or computer and typing in “dementia songs” can bring up a good playlist of songs that people with dementia can relate to.

Dogs are always popular with most people with dementia and also helps them remember their own pets so, if allowed, bring them in.

Ruth:

Mum needs very little now in the way of material goods however I love taking in hand cream so people can give her a hand massage.

Things like flowers, chocolates or nice pyjamas are always welcome however she doesn't need other gifts that she won't use.

Mum is in a small 10-bed memory support unit and in that time I have seen many of mum's co-residents pass away. 

It's a challenging aspect of getting to know other residents who mum also has a connection with and never knowing if they will be there next time I visit.

Further information and support

If you would like advice or information about any type of dementia-related issue, including visiting someone who lives in residential aged care, contact the National Dementia Helpline.

The National Dementia Helpline is available 24 hours a day, seven days a week, 365 days a year on 1800 100 500 or via our live chat.

Thank you to the Dementia Advocates who contributed to this story. If you want to know more about this program visit the Dementia Advocates Program page on the website.